What does it all mean?
by NuqueerWarhead
Summary: There's a sinister conspiracy in Arcadia Bay and it's really starting to mess with my head. I travel through time on a regular basis and it's really starting to mess with my head. I'm closer to Chloe than ever before and she's really starting to mess with my head. Pricefield, set mid episode 4. A confused Max stops to deal with her confusing feelings.


The evidence board is starting to fuck with my head. The evidence we got from David is a bunch of GPS coordinates that look complicated as fuck and I don't even want to think about that shit. I got Nathan's phone open easily enough – he set his PIN code to his birthday, same as me, I should probably change that. Reading through his messages I'm losing track of who's who, and the dates. What's today's date? I'm a time traveler, I can't keep dates straight anymore. And what was the date of the last Vortex Club party? That's what I need, isn't it? I think? At this point I don't even remember, but I have it written down somewhere, maybe. Frank's client list is what's giving me the most trouble. It says he sold drugs to _Kate_ three times. Kate Marsh. Kate the Chihuahua. There is definitely something wrong here. I mean, she was being bullied and contemplating suicide, maybe she wanted to ease the pain. Or overdose. No. No, no, no. That's not it. I look at his code sheet again. Chihuahua is… Katie. Who the fuck is Katie?

I groan. I'm not getting anywhere. The letters and numbers are starting to swim together. I am so tired right now. The last time I slept was… was at the other Chloe's house. Does that count? Do I get the sleep for that, or does "Maxine?" And then I… I woke up here. I remember, Chloe was there at her desk and I hugged her because I was so happy she was back to normal, but… How did I get here? I was in my dorm room when I went through the photo. And Chloe and I had just had an argument. She kicked me out of her car and she wasn't speaking to me. But she wasn't angry when I woke up. Did I change that? Back in the past, I said I'd always be there for her. That was a change. Did it stop us from arguing? Why didn't I come out of the photo into my dorm room, at the same time that I left? How did I move from there to here while I was inside the photo? No, _I ripped up the photo,_ so in this timeline I couldn't have gone through it. So where the fuck was I that night? I was here – we pulled an all-nighter to go over evidence, I remember that. That can't be right. I specifically remember waking up, Chloe was there, I hugged her because she was back to normal. How do I remember the all-nighter if I wasn't here? _Who was controlling my body?_ Was it Alternate Max? Did she get dropped into my body with no clue what was going on?

Seeing an un-paralyzed Chloe was probably nice for her. She deserves it, she actually sent letters. Although she'd have to deal with William being dead, and now she'll be stuck in her timeline knowing that William and Chloe… She'll be in Chloe's room with no memory of how she got there, slowly realizing that Chloe is dead and she's responsible. _That_ sucks.

"I need a break."

"Alright," says Chloe. "I'll keep working. We're getting close."

I flop down on her bed, spread-eagle. I listen to her working at her computer for a while, typing, occasionally printing out a result. "The time traveling is starting to get to me," I tell her. "Did I sleep here last night?"

She turns around to give me a concerned look. "Yeah. We stayed up until about four to do research, then you woke up around eight."

I rub my eyes. "Didn't we have an argument? You kicked me out of your car and you weren't speaking to me."

"I apologized – I sent you a text, and then I picked you up from your dorm."

That makes sense, I guess. I rest my eyes for bit.

I lost my train of thought. I had, I just had something I wanted to ask her. Oh. "Do you remember what I said to you on the day William died?"

After a second to think, "Something like, 'No matter what happens I'll always be there for you, blah blah blah.' I just remember it was really weird cuz it was like you knew it was going to happen." There's a flash of recognition in her eyes, immediately washed out by tears. "Why didn't you save him?"

 _Fffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck._ Flushing this moment down the time travel brain-toilet.

I sigh. She said she sent me a text, which reminds me that I haven't really been checking my texts today. So she did apologize. Cool. A couple of other people texted me with well-wishes and offers to hang out. Frank texted a little while ago to wish us luck and invite us to party with him, which is weird and fucking creepy. Apparently somebody threatened my dad, that's messed up. This one from Warren, though… I didn't think much of it at the time.

"Your friend Chloe txtd me that I'm out of the loop now. She sounds hot so I get why you didn't want to 'Go Ape' with me. You should go with Chloe. She looks cool enough for you."

When I read it, I thought he was saying he wasn't cool enough to hang out with us, so I tried to reassure him that he's cool and he's my friend. The Going Ape thing sounded a lot like a date, and I turned him down because I didn't want him to think I'm interested in him that way. "I get why you didn't want to 'Go Ape' with me. You should go with Chloe. She looks cool enough for you."

Is he…?

"I get why you didn't want to 'Go Ape' with me. You should go with Chloe."

Saying that…?

"I get why you didn't want to 'Go Ape' with me. You should go with Chloe."

Chloe and I…?

"I get why you didn't want to 'Go Ape' with me. You should go with Chloe."

He thinks Chloe and I are together. That's news to me, Warren.

Is it _really_ though?

That deep, emotional bond, that connection to Rachel Amber that was more important to her than anything… it's not like I didn't wonder. But she said she's had sex with boys. Didn't she?

When we were arguing with Frank today, she said, "I loved Rachel and she loved me." She said that. I guess I forgot about it after Pompidou jumped out and she shot them both dead. The way she talked about Rachel, and how angry she got when she learned Rachel was sleeping with Frank… in that context, "I loved Rachel and she loved me," is pretty unambiguous.

When we were at the pool, and I was getting undressed, I caught her staring at me. That weird look on her face… guilt? Embarrassment? When we were swimming together, I thought to myself how _intimate_ the moment was. And she started asking me questions about my love life.

So… what _about_ my love life? I like boys, I think they're cute. In my class there's… Okay, so I don't like any of the guys in my class, but there _are_ boys that I like. They exist. Hipster guys, I like hipster guys.

Have I ever been attracted to a girl? I can list some qualities that make girls attractive. Is that the same? It might be. What if it is? Would that mean I _am_ attracted to girls? At this point I honestly don't know.

She dared me to kiss her, and I did. Why? Honest-to-fucking-god I don't know why. I wasn't dissatisfied with it, I didn't rewind. I made that decision in one take. But I wasn't suddenly struck with the realization that I'm… g-gay.

I grab a handful of my hair. I'm traveling through time to stop a hidden conspiracy, and somehow that wasn't confusing enough for me. Fuck. I need to set this one aside, sleep on it.

Where was I? My texts.

"Your friend Chloe txtd me that I'm out of the loop now."

When I kissed her…

"Your friend Chloe txtd me that I'm out of the loop now."

She said…

"Your friend Chloe txtd me that I'm out of the loop now."

She made a joke that she was going to tell Warren I'm a lesbian.

She thought I was into Warren. Asking me about my love life, and daring me to kiss her… was her way of asking if I'm available. And she told Warren. She fucking… _staked her claim on me!_ Warren doesn't _think_ Chloe and I are together… Chloe and I _are_ together. At least in her mind.

I don't know how to feel about this.

I sit up. "Did you tell Warren I'm a lesbian?"

She laughs over her shoulder. "You certainly kiss like one."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"Lighten up. I was joking when I said that."

I raise my voice just a bit. "That doesn't. Answer. My question."

She stops, turns to me. "What do you fucking want me to say?"

Rewinding.

"So, about Rachel…"

"Yeah?"

"You told Frank, 'I loved Rachel and she loved me.'"

She twitches. "I never said that."

"You did."

It's a really mean scowl she sends at me. "Right. Real cool, Max."

"So you and Rachel were…?"

"Yeah. Me and Rachel 'were.' Any other personal business you want to pry into?"

"What are your feelings for me?"

She stands, throws her hands up. "Are you fucking serious? The first love of my life has been missing for six months and you're worried about _you?"_

Rewinding. She has a point. Maybe I should drop it.

No. There's a bunch of shit bothering me and this might be the only one I can actually fix.

"Hey, Chloe? Can I talk to about something?"

"Can it wait? Cuz Rachel is kinda still missing."

"It can't."

She flips around to sit backwards in her chair. "What's up?"

My mouth won't make the words. I. I. "I…" Think. Think. "Th-…" I dry heave on the first few words before the whole thing comes vomiting out, "I think I might be a lesbian."

"Yeah, I got that when you kissed me."

That stings. "I was being serious."

Now there's recognition on her face. "Oh."

"I don't… know how to deal with this."

She sits down next to me on the bed. "It's okay with me. Your parents will be cool with it. My mom will be cool with it."

"I know you said that you've had sex with guys, but I got the feeling that you and Rachel were together."

"Yeah, I thought so too. But apparently she was banging Frank the whole time, so what the fuck do I know?"

I'm clenching my fists, fighting the terrified urge to rewind and take it all back. "I'm not sure about any of this. I don't know what my feelings mean."

"I don't think they _mean_ anything," says Chloe. "I had sex with guys and it was fun. I had sex with Rachel and it was fun and… special. What's there to _mean_ anything?"

I nod. I'm not really convinced.

"Listen," she says, "Life's too short and too shitty to waste time looking for meaning. If you think it might make you happy, go for it. Guys. Girls. Whatever."

I laugh. That's just what the other Chloe said. "Thanks."

"We good?"

"Yeah."

There's more that I want to say… about us, but it can wait until everything's over. Right now I need to get back to the evidence board.

* * *

 _A/N: The only thing I knew I wanted to happen in this fic was for Max to figure out the implications of Warren's texts. I let the rest of it flow out in what seemed like a natural sequence of events (to me). I'm not a serious writer, but if you have any constructive criticism or ideas for improving my technique, that would be an amazing gift._


End file.
